Honestly…I’m just not feeling it right now. It was a rough morning at home – conflicts (albeit minor) with my children and my spouse. I’m sitting here, typing, and not really aware of any feeling of joy. I have moments like this and sometimes they stretch into days and sometimes even weeks. I don’t like to admit that I feel this way for extended periods of time. I don’t like the feeling. I don’t want the feeling. But it is the primary emotion I am currently experiencing.
Do my current feelings of sadness mean God isn’t present in my life? I don’t believe so. I believe God is with me, always, even when I am feeling low. I can feel sadness in God’s presence – and he still loves me. I can feel joy in God’s presence – and he still loves me. Anger. Fear. He still loves me. He created me and he knows my range of emotions. He doesn’t value one more than another. I believe he wants me to be real – fully whole – so that I can experience the full range of emotions that he gave me.
Of course, my belief that he loves me regardless of how I am feeling leads me to gratitude. His grace for my mistakes leads me to gratitude. His acceptance of my brokenness leads me to gratitude. His sacrifice on the cross leads me to gratitude. And gratitude gives me an underlying joy that is precious beyond words. In the midst of sadness, I can still experience joy because my Father loves me. When I can feel his presence…when I can imagine his arms wrapped around me…when I receive the love he continually pours out for me…I can fully experience joy in every moment. – Bill Ernstrom, Director of Operations